Aye, I remember the "Keppoch"! I was there in ’23 durin’ th’ terrible felt epidemic! We lost a good many fine men tha’ year. Found ’em the next year though, stuck in a rabbit hole.
Aye, the "Keppoch"! Where men are men an’ sheep use restraining orders. Three hundred bloody square miles of rock, gravel an’ mud an’ na’er a Walmart in sight!
Aye, when th’ north wind blows an’ the icy rain falls in blindin’ sheets, man an’ beast alike know t’is time to bring the bar-b-que into the garage, arrr!
Oh, the "Keppoch"! From Fitzmorris’ Gulch to O’Hanahan’s Port-a-Potty to Sally’s Frog Kiosk the land hides it’s primordial secrets well, but when the new phonebook comes that will make things a wee bit easier.
Gah, the "Keppoch"! It lies before ye like a drunken wh… wait, what’s that then? Why, from out of the mists and around the rabbit hole an’ between Sally’s lily white thighs comes a new member to the "Fightin’ Irish" Squadron.
Mates, raise yer free promotional "Keppoch Hilton" sippin’ cup on high an’ welcome Menace’s ol’ dad, :FI: … uh, oh yeah … Keppoch!!!